Ms. Jazi died today at the young age of 28. She is survived by her son age 6. She was found dead in her bath tub from what appeared to be an over dose of Oxycodine. She left the following note.

 

To Whom It May Concern:

I am not a rich woman so what few worldly goods I have in this life give to the homeless. I will parish soon. I know life has been hard to all of us. However, I am not as strong of a woman as I had hoped to be. I am giving up and giving in. I don’t see the silver lining any longer.  Life is pain, life is only pain. We're all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings, but there is only blackness; dark depressing loneliness that eats away at your soul. For far too long I have fought to make things better for everyone. I have tried so hard to believe that this struggle would all be worth it in the end. I have never seen a loser win. I have only seen the rich eat away at the poor until they were all old crippled and crazy. I refuse to be one of those poor saps that never succeed in the American dream. I now know what it was called a dream because when you wake up you see you are only getting fucked and fucked over hard. I feel my life is holding so many back from their life. I want you all to have the “good life” the one we all talked about as children. This path I am on only leads to more struggle more pain and less love. Everyday I live I love less and hate more. I do not want to be the crazy old lady that curses the cars as they drive by my house. I do not want to live in fear of what else will be taken from me. I would rather stand before God Almighty today and tell him that he needs to remind people that he is still here. So the others like me can once again see the light at the end of this long dark journey through these scary dark woods. I have prayed everyday for God to help me; I don’t think he can hear me over all of this noise. Now, I guess it is time to talk to him face to face so he can help you. To my son please never forget that I loved you with my all. If not for you I could have not stood to fight this long. You saved me so many times. Now it is time for me to go so I can save you. Son I died today of a broken heart. Not broken by a man, but broken by men. All too often we ask for a hand up in life only to get stepped across and stepped on. I want more for you than to be a son of a broken woman.  

 

With all I have left, I love you

Jazi

 

The greatest happiness of life it the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
Victor Hugo

 

Today isn’t going to be the day I give up, it is just another day I wanted to say Good Bye but I can not. What if tomorrow is the day that it will be better? That all the pieces to this puzzle finally fit together like they are meant to… Death is a germinate solution to a temporary problem. No matter how long it will take it will get better. As my Mother (R.I.P) used to tell me, “God will never put anymore on you than you can bear.” So keep you chin up and your eyes on the prize. I made it another day you can too.

I could sit here and tell you the story of my life. However, most would find it utterly boring… I could blog about the trials of my day to day hum drum life. I could write many words and fill pages after pages. I often have several thoughts all are fleeting and never last long enough to make it in to print.

 

I could tell you my hopes and dreams. All the things I want out of life. The question is do you really care? Everyone wants their thoughts in print. We are all aspiring to be the next Emily Dickinson or at the very least Carrie Bradshaw.

 

Sometimes I just find these thoughts in my head and would like to hunt them down and shoot them where they stand. So for now I am going to take a more morbid twist. Let’s see how these things work… In the famous PC slang, “LOL”…

Erato
Please let me know you are ok. It has been to long since I read your words. Felt the tension knowing you are what feels like millions of miles away but knowing you want me as much as I want you. I really need you my prince. If you do read this. I will be here waiting for you as always.

Luna

Life is so much, as the title says. The past two months have been a total hell and I really expected things to get easier for me once my guy was here, boy was I wrong…

 

As much as he often annoyed me before, I really miss that sweet caring sensitive guy I used to have. I don’t know exactly what happened while he was in Ohio. I do know he didn’t come back the same. That really sucks! I don’t know what I should do. I have tried talking to him but it seems to go right in one ear and out the other.

 

Maybe, just maybe my name is more than a pseudo name. Maybe I am supposed to be the mistress the one that only has the good times with “someone else’s man”. I do not think I am cut out for all this relationship WORK. Yes, I said work.

 

I found that I really do love him, at least the “him” I had before. This new more; rude crude dude is not the man I realized I loved over the course of the past year… HOW DO I GET HIM BACK!!!

Hello again kiddies. I know it has been quite sometime since I last blogged. My life has taken several unexpected turns and twist none of which have been easy for you Mistress here in Nowhere's Ville USA.  I recently lost my home and car to a disastrous fire.  In reality it isn’t as horrible as it sounds. There were 11 of us in the home that night and we all made it out without a scratch, 6 adults and 5 children. Most would say we were very lucky. I am still in the process of replacing everything without any help. ALWAYS BUY RENTERS INSURANCE and keep an ABC fire extinguisher kids. This is a very big lesson Mistress had to learn the hard way… I am getting back on my feet pretty well.

 

In other news my Ohio guy finally moved back home to me and It is for the lack of better wording not as I hoped it would be. It seems over the last year we have drifted further apart than I was aware. Maybe we can get back in our nook. I really hope because even though there wasn’t fire there was still comfort it seems we are lacking both these days.

 

Erato you are still on my mind everyday. I want so much for you. I really wish that you  would see yourself as I see you. You are still my Prince. Even if we never spoke again I would always keep you in my heart and in my mind. It is rare to find  the mirror image of your soul the way I have in you.  

Li ricorderò sempre, prego nver lo dimentico.

I've come to the conclusion
Our love is just an illusion.
A delusion brought on by
your perversion of me.
I got no time to waste, no space
to place this broken heart
that is torn apart.
It is art.
Even though it shows my
tears and fears.
I can't avoid the
leers of unwanted eyes.
So I'll try to say Goodbye
to my sweet love once from above.
With this I gain
the understanding of pain.

Only In America



1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Anger Management (funny joke sent to me thought I would share)

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take
it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don’t know.

It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a
phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, “Hello.”

I politely said, “This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin
Carter?”

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that
anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. I had
transposed
the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I
decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re an asshole!”
and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put
it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!”

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said: “Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re interested in
the
Caller ID program?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an
asshole!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been
waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale”
sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had
his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW
asshole, too.

I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Can you tell me where I can see it?”

“Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the
car’s parked right out in front.”

“What’s your name?”

“My name is Don Burgemeyer,” he said.

“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

“I’m home every evening after five.”

“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“Don, you’re an asshole.”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call But after
several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to
be.

So, I came up with an idea.

I called Asshole #1.

“Hello.”

“You’re an asshole!” (But I didn’t hang up.)

“Are you still there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Stop calling me,” he screamed.

“Make me,” I screamed back.

“Who are you?” he demanded.

“My name is Don Burgemeyer.”

“Yeah? Where do you live?”

“I live at 1802 West 34th Street, ASSHOLE! It’s a yellow house, with
my black beemer parked in front.”

He said, “I’m coming over there right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole.”

Then I called Asshole #2.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hello, asshole,” I said…again, without hanging up.

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are!”

“Yeah, you’ll what?” I said.

“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.

I answered, “Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right
now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way home to kill my
gay
lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going
down
on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to
34th
street.

There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front
of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better.

Anger management really works!!!

LOVE
1. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
2.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
To me the word love in this case has always been no different that any other four letter word. Love is a term used to express wo/mans wants needs and pleasures. The word love is very similar to the word fuck for instance.

The feeling of love to many is nothing more than an endorphin rush the release of pheromones in the body. The exact same feeling comes from that of chocolate.

The pain of love is when those chemicals run their course and the body is left feeling empty. So in essence love = pain. So here are the commons love = pain and love = sex should not sex = pain?

So why do we use sure words to express our true feelings? Why can we not be the creatures we were meant to be?

I feel it is a thing called pity and the human condition. If we make what we feel more “romantic” then we are left feeling less dirty. However, man was born of dirt so the Bible would convince you.

I do say be who you are. Take a moment out of your day and look around at those that claim to be in love. What is the true nature of the beast hiding with in?

So to you who know what I am expressing here. Take the pain out of your mind and place it where it belongs, in the dirt. Do not be ashamed of anything. Live your life without regrets. Love is but a bitter sweet moment.

I bid you farewell with the Top 10 love quotes.

1) Washington Irving
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
2) Otomo No Yakamochi
Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
3) Anonymous
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
4) Jean Anouilh
There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.
5) Alfred Lord Tennyson (6 August 1809 �" 6 October 1892)
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
6) Kahlil Gibran
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
7) Margaret Mitchell
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
8) G. K. Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
9) Samuel Butler (December 4, 1835 - June 18, 1902)
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
10) Socrates
The hottest love has the coldest end.

Let me start by introducing myself. I am 26 year old girl from a small town in Nowheresville USA. I grew up as all kids do. Sheltered feeling lost and lonely, what do all little girls do. Look for something to make that feeling go away. Well, in my blog you will read about various parts of my life and things I’ve done. If you are the type to pass judgments you might want to move on to a different blog. Surely mine will not be the blog for you.

I am a self educated person, schooled in life. I have experienced many things and seen much more. I love everyone until you do me wrong. I am a simple girl and I don’t expect much out of life for me. I am over all happy with what I have and will one day leave you breathless. Either from laughter or well I will let your imagination go there.

I have a son he rules my world. I wouldn’t give you a penny for another one but wouldn’t take one hundred million for him. However, that will probably be the only time he is mentioned here.

I will leave this short as I tend to get long winded.

Blessed be
~Mistress~