If I was to say good bye...

Ms. Jazi died today at the young age of 28. She is survived by her son age 6. She was found dead in her bath tub from what appeared to be an over dose of Oxycodine. She left the following note.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am not a rich woman so what few worldly goods I have in this life give to the homeless. I will parish soon. I know life has been hard to all of us. However, I am not as strong of a woman as I had hoped to be. I am giving up and giving in. I don’t see the silver lining any longer.  Life is pain, life is only pain. We're all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings, but there is only blackness; dark depressing loneliness that eats away at your soul. For far too long I have fought to make things better for everyone. I have tried so hard to believe that this struggle would all be worth it in the end. I have never seen a loser win. I have only seen the rich eat away at the poor until they were all old crippled and crazy. I refuse to be one of those poor saps that never succeed in the American dream. I now know what it was called a dream because when you wake up you see you are only getting fucked and fucked over hard. I feel my life is holding so many back from their life. I want you all to have the “good life” the one we all talked about as children. This path I am on only leads to more struggle more pain and less love. Everyday I live I love less and hate more. I do not want to be the crazy old lady that curses the cars as they drive by my house. I do not want to live in fear of what else will be taken from me. I would rather stand before God Almighty today and tell him that he needs to remind people that he is still here. So the others like me can once again see the light at the end of this long dark journey through these scary dark woods. I have prayed everyday for God to help me; I don’t think he can hear me over all of this noise. Now, I guess it is time to talk to him face to face so he can help you. To my son please never forget that I loved you with my all. If not for you I could have not stood to fight this long. You saved me so many times. Now it is time for me to go so I can save you. Son I died today of a broken heart. Not broken by a man, but broken by men. All too often we ask for a hand up in life only to get stepped across and stepped on. I want more for you than to be a son of a broken woman.  

With all I have left, I love you

Jazi

The greatest happiness of life it the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
Victor Hugo

Today isn’t going to be the day I give up, it is just another day I wanted to say Good Bye but I can not. What if tomorrow is the day that it will be better? That all the pieces to this puzzle finally fit together like they are meant to… Death is a germinate solution to a temporary problem. No matter how long it will take it will get better. As my Mother (R.I.P) used to tell me, “God will never put anymore on you than you can bear.” So keep you chin up and your eyes on the prize. I made it another day you can too.